Without Love, I Have Nothing
by jordanfan360
Summary: Bella is in love with a married man, and she's left facing a harsh reality when she utters three little words. O/S - AH/OOC rated M for language and adult situations.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Bella is in love with a married man and she's left facing a harsh reality when she utters three little words.

**PTB (MeteorMuse and shelikesthesound) made this o/s so fucking pretty for me, thank you.**

**Any other mistakes are mine.**

SM owns Twilight.

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><p>Wednesday<p>

The minute I wake up, I am thinking about him—about his eyes and the way they _see_ me, his lips and the way they worship my body, his hands and the way they caress me. I've missed him terribly, this day couldn't have come sooner. One day a week is all I get, and sometimes it is just not enough. It is all he can give, and still, I stay.

I love him.

The long hours at the office have been killing me, and not being able to contact him makes it that much worse. All week I come home to an empty apartment, and I have dinner alone. One day, I hope we can change that. We haven't talked about it, but I have hope we will soon.

He has a very busy life, constantly traveling for business and his…personal life. He knows I'll wait for him. I would do anything for _him_.

I hate that we cannot see each other any other days, but that's okay. He is mine on Wednesday—every Wednesday. He promised me that, and I never fail to show up at the coffee shop.

I get dressed for work, and on these days, I wear a skirt. He loves them on me, especially when he gets to push it up past my waist and have his way with me.

It's what we do. We meet for coffee, and the rest of the evening is spent getting reacquainted with each other in the most luxurious hotels I have ever seen. He loves to spoil me, and I let him. Sometimes we'll go out and do other things, but it's not as fun. I don't mind we never visit with friends, or that I haven't met his family; I'm happy just being with him.

I love him.

xoxo

We met a year ago.

I stopped at a small coffee shop just outside of the city. I was on my way home from visiting my parents. I had seen the place on my way and decided to stop.

It was a cozy little coffee shop, filled with the warm smell of coffee.

The jingle of the bell alerted the little old lady behind the counter of my presence. She ushered me to a table by a wall of books. I had not intended to stay but thought _why not?_ She took my order and let me be. I browsed through the books, but I didn't pick anything up. Everything looked too old and neat to disturb it. The large windows on the opposite wall let in enough sunlight to give a nice glow to my little corner. It was a perfect spot to sit and read. I was instantly in love with it.

I would definitely be coming back to this place, I thought to myself.

The door opened and the bells jingled just as I was digging into my piece of chocolate cake. In walked the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He wore a charcoal suit with a black shirt, the top buttons undone. His tie was loose, and he carried a large briefcase.

He waved at the old lady and went straight to a table by the window. I watched him as I drank my coffee. He took off his jacket, letting me see more of his body. The shirt was fitted; it hugged his chest and arms beautifully. You could tell that he liked to work out; he was lean but muscular in the right places. I could guess that he might have a six-pack too, what I wouldn't give to run my fingers over those abs…

He set up his laptop; papers soon covered the little table. He didn't notice me until he reached into his bag and pulled out a pair of glasses. Fuck me, he wears glasses? He placed them on his face and when he looked up, he caught me. I should have been embarrassed about being caught ogling him. His eyes were green, and his hair was…a coppery mess. Those glasses made him look even sexier. I am sure it was illegal to look that hot.

He smirked at me, and I blushed, I looked down immediately. My face felt hot, and I didn't dare look back up again. I concentrated on my coffee, which was delicious, by the way, and my cake.

I looked up when I heard the clicking of the keys as he typed. I admired his face, his strong jaw that tightened as he concentrated on the screen. I wondered what he was doing here in the afternoon, instead of working at his office. Whatever the reason, I'm glad he was here. He was so pretty to look at.

He quickly got up when he saw the lady coming his way with his order. I didn't even hear him order anything. He must come in here often for them to know what he wants.

"I told you I would get it, Gloria," he admonished, trying to take the tray away from her. Gah. Even his voice was sexy. One could only describe it as velvety. Yes, definitely velvety.

"Hush you. Let me take care of you. You're always working so hard," she scolded as she placed the tray on his table. She patted his shoulder and told him to enjoy his hot chocolate.

Gloria looked over at my table and smiled at me. "He's so stubborn this one," she pointed at him. "But isn't he just handsome," she gushed. He looked up embarrassed; it was quite adorable.

I smiled at her, too shy to respond verbally.

"Where are my manners?" he stood up and walked over to me. "I'm Edward, and you are?" he stretched his hand out to me.

"Bella." I blushed, taking his hand. "Nice to meet you, Edward." He held onto my hand a little longer than appropriate, and he gave me a lopsided smile.

"He's a good catch, dear." Gloria interrupted and just walked away. He rolled his eyes, but he was clearly a little embarrassed.

"She's a sweet lady, but she butts in when she's not supposed to." He smiles.

"That's okay."

"May I join you for a bit?" He pointed back to his worktable. "My work can wait. I've got a beautiful woman in front of me." He flashes a crooked grin.

The rest is what you call history, with a few more details in between, Edward and I have been seeing each other ever since. Every Wednesday.

It didn't take long for me to fall madly in love with him.

.

"Ooh look at you, Miss Thang!" Steph snaps her fingers and looks me up and down. "It must be Slutty Wednesday again." She laughs and I roll my eyes.

"Shut up, bitch. Jealousy isn't your color." I hiss quietly, as I try to contain my smile. I walk past her to get to my desk. I don't like being late, and I've got a lot to do before I can leave.

"I'll meet you in the break room at eleven!" she shouts. I love Steph, but her office manners are deplorable. She knows I'll be there, so I don't answer back.

There is an extra spring to my step today, and I know exactly why. I've already gotten a message today from his assistant confirming our "meeting" today. It's annoying having to go through her, but it makes things easier for Edward. He is always working and doesn't have time to call me personally. I understand. And anything that goes through his assistant doesn't look suspicious, at all; he is very careful about that sort of thing. I'm also pretty sure Charlotte gets paid very well to keep her mouth shut.

The stacks of files on my desk keep growing as the morning progresses. It doesn't even faze me, I just get to work and eagerly wait for three o'clock to come.

I meet Steph in the break room at eleven o'clock. She drills me for details, and again, I say very little. She's been at it for a month now; trying to get a name, or detail just a s juicy. I won't dare tell her that I've actually been with him for a year. I'll never hear the end of it.

She knows I'm seeing someone but nothing else. Sometimes I will throw her a little detail or two but nothing too revealing. Edward is a very wealthy businessman, and he relies on his superior reputation with his clients. It would be really bad for his image if any sort of scandal got out. I certainly do not want that for him, so it is easy for me keep quiet; I like the mystery I leave people with, anyway.

He thought I would walk away when he told me our relationship needed to be under the radar—he just didn't know how hard I had fallen for him. I assured him it was okay with me as long as I was able to be with him.

Like I said; he is mine, and I'd like to keep it that way.

"Why do you keep him a secret? Are you ashamed of him or something?" Steph starts with the questions. She thinks she'll tire me one day, and I'll just confess everything to her. Unfortunately for her, Edward means too much to me to ruin it all for this gossiping bitch. I call her that, but she's a good friend. She knows I get pissy because I can't wait to leave.

I scoff. "I'm not ashamed of him! I just like to keep that part of my life private."

"Does he keep you a secret, too?" She continues her interrogation. "Because that shit wouldn't fly with me. I want my man to flaunt _me_ around." That kind of hurts, and I hope it doesn't show on my face.

"We're just private people…and it's complicated." I know it is a lame excuse, but what else can I say? He does keep me a secret. It does not mean he doesn't care about me. I know he does.

"How complicated is it?" She leans in. She thinks she's got something good. I've been doing this so long, I know I won't reveal anything to her.

"A family conflict is all. We want to be together, and his family would be in the way of that." I shrug.

"Why would his family not want you guys together?" Shit, she doesn't shut up. The questions get old fast, and I just want three o'clock to get here already.

"They just don't. I have to go." I walk out of the room and head to the bathroom. My head is spinning. I hate thinking about his family. The less I think about them, the easier it is for me to continue being with him.

I freshen up my makeup. I look in the mirror and really look at myself. I wonder if I will always be a secret. I'm a beautiful, confident woman. How long will I let myself remain hidden? Am I doomed to that coffee shop and the inside of expensive hotels? I also wonder if he ever thinks about a real life with me…

I sigh, frustrated at myself. I should not let Steph's questioning get to me. She always manages to say something that makes me question what I am doing. It is a nagging little feeling I push to the back of my mind. I've become well accustomed to suppressing certain feelings, and it gets easier every week. The minute I see him, it all goes away and only resurfaces when I'm alone. Sometimes I think of ending it…but then Wednesday comes along, and I just want _him_. I know I deserve better.

It's been a year, and I've been thinking of bringing it up to him. I want to know where we are going with our relationship. I want to know if he is going to settle down with me…of course, that means he needs to do something about his _personal life_. I do not know if he is even willing to consider it. That's when I hit the end of the road, and I have a feeling he has no intention of having more with me.

The real question is how long will _I_ let this go on?

I don't know, to be honest. I am in this situation because I want to be.

Before I know it, it is three o'clock, and I'm rushing out of the office, waving goodbye to Steph. She whistles at me, and I roll my eyes. I know I look damn good, though. Edward likes that "naughty secretary" look, and in turn, he's my sexy, horny boss.

I always make him fuck me while he's wearing his glasses—there is just something about them that drives me crazy. Damn, I cannot wait to see him!

.

"Hi baby." Edward whispers in my ear, catching me off guard. He kisses my lips, and my god does it feel good to have his lips on mine again.

He is a little late meeting me today, but I forgive him instantly. Having him this close to me after all those days of not having him is like heaven. I feel like I can breathe, I wouldn't dare ruin it right now.

He comes around me to take his seat. Damn, the man can rock a suit like nobody's business. It is fit perfectly to accentuate his broad shoulders and lean body. I know firsthand how amazing his body is under all those clothes. Yeah, I'm a little smug sometimes. I can't help it. He carefully drapes his coat on the back of his chair before he takes a seat across from me.

"I ordered you a turkey sandwich." I slide his sandwich over to him. Knowing him, he probably hasn't eaten anything since breakfast. My man is married to his work, and hardly takes the time to eat anything.

"Thanks," he says as he opens it up and takes a huge bite. "Do you mind if I do a little bit of work right now? I'm behind on some emails." He mumbles, already pulling out his laptop. It doesn't even surprise me now; he's such a workaholic. There's nothing wrong with that; I love that about him too. I told him I would take all the good along with the bad; I'm not going anywhere.

"Sure, but you better leave that crap in the car later." I grin. He smirks at me and gets to work. We won't be at the coffee shop much longer; I can see he's eager to leave, as well.

I brush my foot inside his pant leg when he starts to look too serious as he types away. He looks up, glasses on and glares at me. I giggle; he cannot look mean when he's wearing those. He's not mad, but I know he's getting frustrated. I'm already frustrated, so we're even.

We talk about our week while he works. I ask about his family, and he says everything is well.

"I put Jaden in tee ball last weekend, and Justin tried out for little league." His face lights up when he talks about his kids; I don't mind hearing about them. I know he loves them.

"And the baby?" I ask.

His wife gave birth to their third son, Jeremiah, four months ago. He showed me a picture on his phone of the baby when he was about a month old. I haven't seen his other kids or his wife…he prefers to keep that private. With the baby, I guess it was just a moment when he wanted to talk about his new joy. He was smiling from ear to ear as he scrolled through his phone to show me his new son. It was a picture of him holding the sleeping baby. I could tell he is going to be handsome like his dad. His little, almost bald - head had a little red hue to it. It was adorable.

"He's good." Edward shakes his head and smiles. "He still doesn't let us sleep, but he's amazing."

"That's good." I don't ask any more about his family. If I ask too much, he gets upset, and that is understandable.

He says that when he's with me, he just wants to focus on me and get the stress relief he needs from his job and his life at home.

I know my boundaries; I never interfere in his life and only ask basic questions. _They_ are a part of him, after all. And I accept him—all of him.

He doesn't talk much about them, but sometimes he'll give me a glimpse of his life away from me. Other times, he doesn't do it to hurt me, but he'll mention Ally—his wife. I know he loves her, too, and I'm okay with that. It still doesn't stop me from trying to get more time with him. I want mine, too—like she gets hers.

And maybe I can give him a baby. He says he wants a baby girl. Ally doesn't want any more kids, though.

I would be more than willing to have a family with him.

He says he missed me after I told him about how lonely I felt this week without him. I pout, and he leans over the table to kiss me.

"I wish I could see you more. Maybe you can—" He raises his hand to cut me off.

"You know why I can't, Bella. Let's not do this right now." He sighs, looking down at his screen again, his fingers press down on the keys a little harder than before. His jaw is set, it is clear I've upset him. Instead, I just admire his beautiful face and wait for it to lose the scowl he gets when he reads certain emails. I refuse to think that expression is because of me.

We don't talk much after that. I let him work, so that he can give me the attention I need later. I'll wait for him.

We've been in this suite before; it's actually one of my favorites. It's on the nineteenth floor, and the view is…just magnificent.

Edward comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist as we take in the city below us. The sun will be setting soon, and I can't wait to make love to him in the orange glow that will come through the floor-to-ceiling windows.

I lean back and rest my head on his shoulder. I feel so complete with him. _This _is why I stay. The connection I feel to him is like none other. I worry I may never find it again if I let it go.

I love him.

"Remember the last time we were here?" he murmurs, his warm breath in my ear, sending shivers throughout my body.

"Mhmm" I turn around in his arms. "I also remember the first time we came here," I whisper, looking into his eyes. He leans down and captures my lips with his.

"That was a special night, baby. You became mine." He mumbles into my mouth. I bite his lip and suck it into my mouth, moaning softly.

This is where he told me all about his family—about his wife and kids. Still, after all that, I stayed because my heart had already been his. There was nothing he could say that would make me leave him. Well, if he had told me when I met him he was married, I probably would not have pursued him. But he waited two months…and I was already so far in, I could not imagine being without him.

I will _always_ be his, so long as he will have me.

He pushes me back against the glass with his body; I can already feel him hard for me. I reach down and grab him, he groans, deep in his throat, into my neck. He's hard and thick in my hand.

I remember how he fills and stretches me; I can't contain myself. My clit tingles, as desire washes over me at the memory, and my hand massages him harder.

"I've been waiting too long to have you, Bella." He kisses and nibbles on my neck, his breathing is more ragged the longer I fondle him.

"Then take me. I'm yours," I breathe, stroking him through his slacks.

That ignites a fire in him, and he attacks my lips, forcing his tongue in my mouth. I kiss him back just as fiercely, my tongue tangling with his, tasting and loving it. I start to unbutton his shirt, and he follows my lead, unbuttoning mine.

My naked back hits the glass; my nipples are already hard—one in his hand, the other in his mouth. I throw my head back and arch my back as waves of pleasure move through my body and lead directly between my thighs. I can already feel myself so wet.

"You like that, baby? You like it when I suck on your tits?" He knows I like it, and he loves it when I moan like a whore. But I'm not just any whore, I'm his whore when he wants me to be.

Sucking.

Biting.

My nipples are being deliciously tortured by his mouth.

He finally releases my breast and pulls my skirt up. My ass in a thong is in plain view to the city below us, but I'm too busy slutting it up to give a fuck. He slips his long fingers past my thong and they slide right in between my lips. I don't know how, but his long, slender fingers are always so cold…they feel so good against my warm pussy.

"Fuck. You're so wet." He groans, stroking my clit, eliciting more moans from me. I spread my legs wider so he can get to where I really want him before his fingers lose their chill.

"Inside." I urge him, panting. I fucking love those fingers- not as much as I love his cock, though. He grants my wish, and I feel myself stretch, the coolness adding to the pleasure.

"Yesss…that feels so good." I mewl. He smirks because he's the fucking man, and he knows it. I grab the back of his head and bring him down for a kiss. "Fuck me with your fingers and then fuck me with your cock." I bite down on his lip as he starts to pump his fingers, in and out.

I lose all coherent thought when his fingers are inside me—fucking me like this. I turn my head to the side, and that beautiful orange glow is washing over us. The city lights are becoming brighter, and the room is darkening—our bodies only lit by the glow. It is perfect. His fingers are perfect. _He's_ perfect.

He takes me to the top fast; my orgasm hits me hard. I come on his fingers, crying out his name. It won't be my only one today, and for that, I'm thankful. Edward knows how to take care of me.

He presses his chest against mine, trapping me against the window again. We're both breathing hard; he's ready to get his. I know because his cock is stabbing me in the stomach a little painfully.

Edward quickly lifts me up, and I wrap my legs around him. He takes me to the bed and gently lays me down. He pulls my skirt and thong down easily. His eyes are hungry as they rake over my body. An intense heat runs through me, and I feel an urgency to feel him over and inside me. I want his heat, and the familiar pressure of his body crushing mine. I spread my legs, and he steps in between them.

I never even noticed when he got rid of his pants, but his cock sliding in tells me that he has. He waits for my body to get used to his size—I'm stretched almost painfully. But when he moves...my pussy is in heaven. I bite down on his shoulder, and enjoy the salty taste of his skin on my tongue.

He thrusts and pushes, long and deep.

Our eyes stay connected, I tell him everything I can't, and everything I want him to tell me with my eyes…and with every thrust I meet. I want him to know. After all this time, I just want him to know, and I want things to change. Maybe im not strong enough, because I feel like I'm gonna break. I want so much more with him. I keep looking into his eyes and desperately search for something that says that I belong here.

I am completely consumed by him—his body over me and inside me. His eyes are filled with lust, and yet I still search.

"You're mine, Bella." He growls in my ear, pushing harder, deeper. So much deeper. His words bring me comfort momentarily.

"Always." I moan. I want to be his, always, but can he be mine?

I bring my legs up higher, and he finds a new position hitting that special spot. I'm distracted by the intense pleasure I'm feeling, and suddenly, I don't care if he belongs to me or not. He's making me feel good, encouraging me to lose myself in ecstasy.

"You feel…" He grunts, pushing in and out faster. "So, so good...mmm…fuck." He speeds up his movements. Thrusting. "Are you gonna come for me again?"

I barely register his question. I'm swimming in a sea of pleasure.

"Yes, yes!" I hold on to his thigh as he slams into me over and over.

He suddenly slows down and completely stops, his cock still inside me.

"Turn around." He gently commands. I do what he says. He slips out of me, and I hate how empty I feel. "Rest on your forearms," he murmurs as he runs his cock up and down my pussy. I feel one of his hands gently caressing my back.

The punishing thrusts pick up again as soon as he's inside me. I can feel so much more of him this way. My stomach coils, and I'm ready to let go again.

He holds onto my hips as he pushes in. I reach under me and graze his balls with my fingernails as they slap against me.

"Fuck!" he moans out the word, the last syllable ending with a growl. I know that drives him crazy. "You're gonna make me come!"

"That's the point, baby. I want you to come inside me."

A few more thrust, and he's pushing me over the edge, making me completely lose myself in him. And I swear he makes me see God and all that is holy. The pure joy that I feel is like no other. I want to burst at the seams and scream. I do.

I tell him I love him.

I _tell_ him I love him. I scream it at the top of my lungs. He pumps harder and faster, almost erratically.

And it is the most beautiful sound when he calls my name as he releases inside me. Gently, he lays over me, covering my back. I revel in the warmth of his body over mine.

He slowly rocks us, still calling my name, only softly now in my ear, "beautiful Bella, so beautiful." My heart swells at the adoration in his voice.

I make him feel this way.

In a perfect world, I would be his wife, and we would be making love like this every night. It doesn't matter how rough or gentle he is with me, what I always feel is love. Even when he fucks me against a wall, or the windows in this suite, there has to be more than just passion involved.

There just has to be.

We lay, wrapped up in each other's arms a little while later.

I know he heard me say I loved him, but he hasn't brought it up. I've never said it to him, and now that I did, I meant it with all my heart.

We've never said it to each other. I don't know how he feels exactly, and I suddenly feel a little foolish.

I've been having sex with this man for a year, yet I still don't know how he feels about me. Would he ever tell me the words I need to hear?

My heart will be shattered if he says he doesn't love me.

"What are you thinking about?" he whispers into my ear from behind me. How does he even know something is bothering me? I thought I had been lying here very still. "You're all tense, Bella." He massages my hip and kisses my bare shoulder.

I turn around to face him. He smiles gently at me, and my heart swells. I love him so much.

"I meant what I said." I break the eye contact because I'm a coward. I stare at his chest—so hard and smooth under my fingers. He sighs and pulls me closer to him. My cheek presses up against his hot skin.

"I know baby." And then…nothing.

He says nothing.

My heart aches for what I was expecting him to say.

I'm hurt and confused, even though I knew this was a possibility. I admit I might have leaned a little more to the idea he did love me, but…I just didn't prepare myself for the ache in my chest if he didn't.

He didn't say he doesn't love me…instead he says nothing, and that hurts much worse.

"Bella, don't cry, baby. You know my situation…" he trails off. Yeah, I know his situation; it still didn't stop me from loving him.

I take in a shaky breath.

"I know…but…" A sob escapes my mouth, and I bury my face in his chest. It's not fair. None of this is, and I have no one else to blame but myself. I hold onto him for dear life. I feel like I'm losing him, and I don't know how to stop it. It's hit me harder than I thought.

I get my shit together, even though I still have tears running down my face, and I pull away from him. My breathing is shaky, but I still make myself look at him.

"Bella…" he says softly. I shake my head and sit up to face away from him. I pull the sheet up to cover my body, and I look around for my clothes.

I can't be here anymore…this is not for me. Not after this reality check. All this time I have stupidly believed in a false reality…what else is here for me?

I find my skirt on the foot of the bed, and I quickly put it on.

"Wha…what are you doing? Are you leaving?" Edward asks incredulously. It pisses me off. What the fuck does he expect? I've stayed because we never really identified our relationship and, as long as there was a possibility of more, I would stay. Now I know I cannot stay. The dream I've had in my head has been shattered. I have nothing with him.

I ignore him and cross the room to find my bra and blouse. He gets off the bed, not even bothering to cover himself. Any other day, I would have loved that view, but it just reminds me of how fucking stupid I've been. Fucking a married man and believing he could love me.

He pulls my arm to face him when I pull on my bra. "You're gonna ignore me now, too?" The tears in my eyes don't even faze him. I have no idea what he's thinking, he just looks desperate…but for what?

"I…I just need to go, Edward." I pull my arm away from his grasp, brushing away the tears and willing myself not to cry anymore for him.

"Not like this, Bella." He pulls on his disheveled hair. "Come sit down." He tries to lead me to the living room. I'm hesitant, because I don't want to be here. I'm humiliated, and if he says sweet things to me, I'm afraid I will stay.

I love him.

And I have to fight against that.

"Come on, baby." He holds my hand and tries again. I let him lead me to the couch.

"This isn't gonna work out." It hurts me to say it, but for once in the time I've been with him, I need to do the right thing.

"Bella, don't say that. You…you don't mean that," he pleads, lifting my hands from my lap. He kisses my knuckles, and I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"You don't pay me, but…I'm basically your whore, Edward." I squeeze his hands hard with my own and pull them away. "You're married…like fucking married! And I'm so fucking stupid because I love you!" he sits there, not saying anything.

"That's the second time I've told you that and…nothing. You don't say anything." I say dejectedly.

"You're not a whore, baby." He whispers and tries to reach for me; I move back and shake my head.

"Then what the fuck am I?" That's one question I don't really want to know the answer to.

"You're my Bella. Why can't that be enough?"

"Because…I want more," I whisper. It feels like my heart is being squeezed, and I can't breathe. My vision becomes blurry, and my cheeks are wet again. I feel him pull my body to his; I'm too weak to fight him. I let him hold me just this once.

"Bella, I care about you. You're an amazing woman; everything about you is amazing. You have the ability to make my shittiest days so much better with your words and the way you care for me…and I know this is selfish but…I need you. I need you in my life. You've become my best friend…and my lover. I'm sorry I can't give you more. You deserve so much more, but I'm too fucking selfish to let you go." He kisses my hair and rubs my back as I cry. "It's not just about sex…being with you is like a breath of fresh air…and every week I eagerly wait until I can finally see you…and then…I can finally breathe. I don't know how else to explain it, baby. You mean everything to me."

I concentrate on his words. They are beautiful to me, but they don't mean anything. He's selfishly stringing me along, because he gets something out of me…but what about me? What do I get?

"You're wrong, Edward. I can't possibly mean everything to you if all we'll ever have is this hotel room." I sniffle and try to get it together again. I hate these stupid tears. "If you can't give me more, then I can't continue this…and I know you're not gonna leave her…" I look up at him for confirmation. His eyes are sad as he slowly shakes his head.

"I love my wife, Bella. I—I can't leave my family." His eyes tear up, and I have to look away. He has managed to crush my heart more than it already was. "But I can't leave you either…" he croaks.

I get off the couch with my broken heart and look down at him. "You're a selfish bastard," I spit. "You don't even deserve your family. I know I'm no better, but I'm making this right, I'm walking away." I turn around and look for the rest of my stuff.

I ignore Edward, sitting on the couch, looking like he just lost his puppy. _He's a big fucking boy, he'll get over it_, I tell myself.

It disgusts me I still feel like I should console him.

Pathetic.

I roughly pull on my shoes and throw my hair in a ponytail. I search the whole suite for my purse, and I can't find the fucking thing.

"Your purse is in the closet." He says from the couch. I look up at him, and he has his head in his hands. He's not looking at me….he's just sitting there pulling on his hair.

I look around one last time and prepare myself to let it all go.

To let _him_ go.

He pulls my arm back right before I walk out the door. "Please, Bella…" I shrug him off. It's over, and we both know it.

"Go home to your _wife_, Edward. Worship the ground she walks on, she's the mother of your children, and she loves you." I grab his hand and make him look at me in the eyes. "She doesn't deserve what we've done…and for that, I'm sorry." I kiss his hand and turn to walk out the door.

I leave him in that hotel room with all our memories. I truly hope he goes home to his family and finds what he's been missing; what he's been desperately trying to find with me. And I hope he will be happy, because I need to know I, too, will find the same kind of happiness.

I barely make it to the elevators, before I finally break down. Big, fat tears pour down my face, and I muffle my sobs with my coat.

.

.

.

9 weeks later…

I pull myself off my bathroom floor. This shit is getting ridiculous. I can barely keep any food in.

I don't bother to brush my teeth again; I crawl back into bed and try to sleep away all this confusion and pain I've been dealing with.

Two weeks of this, and I finally broke down last week and got a test…

Positive.

I'm pregnant.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ummm...I'm a masochist. I'm sorry. Please let me know what you thought :)**

**I'm considering a second part to this, so hang tight.**

**Thank you all for reading.**

**-Mel**

**p.s. ProjectTeamBeta is amazing, and I will never post another horrendous chapter again. Ever. I swear it!**


	2. Chapter 2

_I know, i know. I've made you guys wait forever. i have a good excuse...my laptop committed suicide :(_

_Anyway, thank you all for reading and demanding more. I hope this doesn't disappoint._

_._

_To get this to you faster, i didn't submit this for beta'ing. :/_

_oh and thank you to__** MsEm**__ for sending huge traffic my way. Check out her story and C2s!_

_**SM Owns Twilight. I own a shameless obsession with R/K**_

* * *

><p>Cold sweat runs down my body. I'm holding the phone to my ear painfully tight. It's the only thing that's keeping me from collapsing to the floor in a heap of nerves.<p>

"I'm sorry Miss Swan, but Mr. Cullen is not available at the moment. Can I take a message?"

Fuck. It's the same response I've been getting every day for the past month.

"No, no message. Thank you." I hang up the phone and feel more hopeless as the days pass.

It's been five weeks since I found out I'm pregnant with Edward's baby. For the past month I've been trying to contact him and I've failed miserably. My baby is not even born yet, and he or she already has a fucked up family. I blame myself for being so utterly stupid and destructive with my life. I know I can't erase the past, but I can try to make it better for my baby. I want him to know about this little life that we've created.

The next day I decide to go to his office as a last attempt to tell him about the baby. He can hear me out or not. It's his choice, and I will not make him take responsibility if he doesn't want it.

My nerves get the best of me this morning and I throw up at least twice before breakfast. It's not a great start to my morning, but I'm no stranger to it either. I pick myself up off the floor and get in the shower. The water is hot and soothing on my body and I try to take deep, long breaths to calm my nerves.

I wash my body, running my hands over my soft abdomen. It's not visible yet, but I know it will be soon. I rub tenderly, conveying to my child that I will do my best to make this right for us. And I whisper an apology just in case it doesn't go well.

"Just know that mommy will always be here for you." I tell him. Or her.

No matter how terrified I am of doing this alone, I am too fucking determined to be the best mother my child can have. You can call it mother's instinct or whatever, but I'm not fucking this up. This is greater than me and even greater than Edward, and I feel like I've been given a second chance to make things right and learn what love is. Because I know that my love for this baby is immeasurable.

This kind of love I would die for.

.

.

"I'm here to see Mr. Cullen." I tell the receptionist. I hope to god that I don't look as nervous as I feel. She doesn't seem concerned so I figure not.

"Let me check with his assistant. Do you have an appointment Miss…?"

"Swan. Isabella Swan. And no, I don't have an appointment. I was hoping he could fit me into his schedule today." Damn it, I'm so nervous. I put my hand in my pocket and finger the small envelope I have in there. It helps to remind me of why I'm here. It has nothing to do with _me._

The receptionist, Maggie, her badge says, calls his floor and speaks to Charlotte. She listens intently to Charlotte, when she hangs up she seems almost reluctant to pass on the message.

"I'm sorry Miss Swan, but Mr. Cullen is in a meeting and won't be available the rest of the day. He-" My heart drops. I stop listening to what she's saying. Not intentionally.

"Does…um…does he know I'm here?" I interrupt her, feeling hot and cold. I clear my throat. "Mr. Cullen and I know each other and I have some things to discuss with him." I tighten my hold on the envelope, but am very careful not to wrinkle it.

Maggie looks around the empty lobby and then leans in. I lean a little over the counter to hear her.

"Miss Swan," she starts tentatively, "Mr. Cullen has specific orders to not let you in to his department. He requested for us to call security if you show up again without prior notice to him."

"Wha…" My mouth is hanging open and I make no effort to close it.

"I probably shouldn't be telling you this but his wife filed for divorce not too long ago and your being here can greatly affect his situation. A lot of people know that he was having an-" she clears her throat and lowers her voice further, "an affair. They just don't know who _you_are. He's just looking out for himself. I'm sorry. Maybe you can arrange something with Charlotte over the phone." She says apologetically.

I walk out of that fucking building in a haze. I'm too stunned to be properly embarrassed, since clearly everyone knows about Edward and me. They know I'm the home wrecker and I can't even be seen anywhere near him. And how humiliating to get this information form Maggie, the fucking receptionist!

I walked in with as much dignity and confidence that I could muster, only to leave completely humiliated and broken. A part of me knows that I deserve it but it still fucking hurts.

I don't know how I get to my car, but as soon as I sit and close the door my body is wracked with sobs. The pain is immense with the reality that my baby will never know his or her father. And deep down I also mourn my own loss. I loved him when it was wrong, and it still hurts like if it was right.

I clutch my sides tightly, trying to hug myself and my baby. We are all we have now.

I've lost him for good. I don't try to contact him again.

O.o.O

Woah, no way is this normal.

I look at myself in the mirror. I turn left and then waddle right. My eyes are huge, looking over my naked body. I don't even think I can call it my body; it's so…huge, and bulging. My eyes start to tear up. I feel so ugly and like a-a…fucking whale!

There's a soft tap on the door. "Bella, honey, are you alright?" My mother calls. "You've been in the bathroom for a while. Do you need help?"

I cover myself up with the towel and walk to the door to unlock it. I peek out; my mom is standing on the other side, concern written all over her face. I know she means well but I'm so tired of this. I have to depend on my parents to help me right now.

The doctor put me on bed rest two weeks ago because I was at a high risk for pre term labor. I have about two more weeks to go before the baby can actually decide to come out. My mom has been staying with me since I told her about the bed rest. I'm not gonna lie, I love having her here, but she's a little too overbearing and annoying as hell. I still fucking love her though. I don't feel so lonely with her here. It also helps that her cooking is amazing.

I hope to be an amazing mother to my daughter like she is to me. And yes, I'm having a baby girl—a girl who I've already grounded her whole life for scaring the shit out of me when she wanted to come out of the oven early.

After my mom helps me over to the dreaded bed, she helps me put on my fluffy socks. Other than that, I'm naked under my towel and it feels so damn good to lie like this. I ask her to cuddle with me for a while. I don't care how old I am or how pregnant I am, I still need my mom to comfort me.

I'm so thankful to have her. She makes me forget of the person who is _not_ here.

It seems like so long ago that I used to dream of giving him a family. I used to imagine going through every milestone with him and our baby. I was such a fool. I'm embarrassed of the person I used to be. And I hate myself for almost destroying his family. If he didn't care about them, that's on him, but I never should have taken what was not mine.

Now that I have this life growing inside me, I'm learning the value of family. And I would do anything to protect it. Protect her.

She is my _everything_.

I don't talk about him to anyone, not even my mother. She doesn't bring it up because she knows it upsets me. I still remember what she said to me when I told her that I was doing it alone.

She said, "Sweetheart, you'll never be alone. You've got us, me and daddy, and grandma and grandpa—all your family. Just remember, you're not missing out on a life with him,_he's _missing out on a life with two of the most amazing people in this world, you and my grandbaby."

I must have cried for hours on the phone with her. She didn't know that I'm the one that was fooling around with a married man and that even if we hadn't had that fallout, my baby would still not have a real family outside of me. Edward probably would have kept her a secret too. And I'll be damned if my daughter was going to have the same fate as me. I'm not ashamed of her and I will do anything in my power to never let her feel less than anyone.

Mom cuddles with me and eventually I have her rub my back until I fall into a deep, restful sleep. It's the kind where I don't even feel my baby kicking the shit outta me. It's that good.

O.o.O

_May 2006_

Lily Belle Swan.

She's in my arms. It's like a dream. After all that pain, she's finally here.

_I'd like to take a moment to thank the epidural gods, sigh, that heavenly nectar was all kinds of amazing._

And whoa she's huge. The nurse told me she was 9lbs 10oz. Holy shit, I don't know how I did it, but I definitely have the stitches to prove it. _Ouch_. And I may have severed my mom's hand once or twice, but it was worth it. She's worth it _all_.

"She's beautiful." My mom cries softly next to me. I did enough crying through this whole ordeal, now I just want to smile and enjoy my little Lily.

"I love you," I whisper to my daughter. And so many happy tears fall.

I'm so nervous, now that she's here.

I try the breastfeeding thing, but I totally suck at it. She gets so angry when she can't latch on, her little chubby face just scrunches up and turns beet red. I giggle; she's such a moody one. She squirms in my arms in all her naked glory. I take a moment to finally look at her. She's got ten perfect toes and ten perfect fingers.

She's perfect.

If I wasn't so overwhelmed by her beauty I would cry at the mere sight of her soft, red hair. You know what, screw it. I fucking cry over that red hair. It's just like her daddy's. Everyone comments on her hair and the way it contrasts so beautifully against her porcelain skin. No one needs to know that these are sad tears.

He will never know the beauty that is his _daughter._

I see a lot of Edward in her tiny face. She can be his replica, if not for the girly features that I claim to be mine. She's us. But so, so much better.

She's all that is pure in this world.

I learn to dodge questions about her father while I'm at the hospital. Everyone just wants to know where he is. And it's not because they know my situation; I hear the nurses asking the other new moms too. Some say their husbands went home to bring back a few things, and others are out grabbing a bite to eat. My daughter's father is with his other family. I try not to think about it. I change the subject all together.

Filling out her name was the hardest thing I had to do today. If the father was not present to sign the birth certificate, then the baby could not have his last name. I don't mind her being a Swan, but she's rightfully a Cullen. It was hard for me to accept I couldn't give that to her. Just another thing I failed her.

I kiss Lily's head. I haven't put her down since they brought her to me. She sleeps forever and I just watch her. Her cheeks are the softest pink I've ever seen. I find myself nibbling on them quite often.

"You should get some rest, honey," my mom says, interrupting my nibbling session.

"She won't be this calm once you get her home, Bells." My dad warns. "I know what I'm talking about. You were the sweetest angel at the hospital, but then we brought you home…whew! We didn't sleep for days!" he laughs, shaking his head at the memory.

"I wasn't that bad." I protest.

"Oh, yes you were!" They both gang up on me. It's all in fun, though. There is nothing that can take away our happiness today.

I notice my dad, itching to hold the baby again. He's folding and re-folding her little blankets, and I think I just saw him fluffing up her bassinette. I hate that cold-looking thing. My mom filled it with blankets, to make it more comfortable…but then again, nothing is more comfortable for my baby, than my arms.

"You want to hold her, don't you, daddy?" I smirk at him. His smile broadens and he nods his head.

"Well I do miss my little Lilybug, you've been hogging her all day." He comes to sit next to me on the bed and takes Lily from my arms. She whines because we disturbed her beauty sleep, but as soon as dad starts to rock her, she goes right back to sleep. He's a natural, he's been practicing.

I watch him with her. She's brought so much joy into our lives. I find comfort that he will be there for her like he has been for me. Any absence she might feel in a dad, I know my dad will be there to fill some of that void.

We are not alone. And I think I finally understand what that means.

I just wish things were different, and the person that should be here, would be here with us on this very special day.

O.o.O

_September 2011_

It's Lily's first day of kindergarten. I'm such a nervous wreck! I run around the kitchen like a headless chicken. I don't want to be late.

"Mommy! I only want the whites, not the ucky yelloooowww!" Lily whines.

_Shit._

I can't even get her breakfast right. I start a new batch of eggs. Whites only. I place a bowl of fruit in front of her to eat while she waits.

She sits as patiently as she can on the stool. Her long, red ringlets bounce all over head and onto her face. I knew that was going to be a problem. She didn't let me braid her hair today, so most of it is gonna end up on her face. I give her a warning look and she immediately tosses her hair back.

I don't care how much she protests, I'm not going to let her walk out of this house looking like Medusa—at least not the first day of school. I briefly remember _his_ hair, and how wild it used to get sometimes. Of course hers is curled at the ends, but she manages to get it a little too wild for my liking. She's definitely his daughter. Her face is a dead giveaway if the hair isn't. It's like looking right at him, but thankfully all _I_ see is my daughter.

We walk hand in hand to the little school three blocks away. It is the exact reason why I chose to move into this neighborhood. Aside from the safety aspect of it, it's also close to her school and my job. I've been blessed with a great paying job now and I'll be looking into actually buying my own home. This is just a step up for us. This is the kind of neighborhood that I dreamed of raising my kids in. Lily is in love with it.

Everything is finally how it's supposed to be. We're settled and happy. My parents still live a good hour away from us, but we visit every other weekend. I'm proud of all that I've accomplished on my own. And everything I've done is for her.

I look down at Lily with her princess Belle backpack and her super cool—her words—pink chucks. She's skipping along; happy and carefree. I braided the front of her hair and left the rest loose—per her request. I'll always remember this day, cause I know there will be a day when she won't need me to do her hair. Yup, I'm getting emotional over hair. My baby is growing up so fast. I hate it!

Half way to the school, I get a call from Jake. He's my _friend and then some_. Lily loves it when he's around; she says he's so silly. He's the only man that I've brought around her. I'm too paranoid that I'll confuse her or something.

"How's my favorite girl doing this morning?" He greets.

I smile. "She's ready to own kindergarten this year." I wink at Lily. She starts jumping up and down, wanting to talk to Jake herself.

"Ah that's my girl. Let me wish her good luck, babe." I hand over the phone and mouth to Lily, "one minute."

She chatters for the full minute before I pull the phone away.

"Bye Jake!" she yells. Sometimes I imagine Edward being like this as a child, because I sure as hell wasn't that outgoing at five years old.

I shake away those thoughts and get back to Jake.

"I gotta go Jake. This walk is pretty monumental for us."

"Wait, are you still coming over to visit your parents this weekend? We can hang out…" I know what he wants, and what I might need too. I try not to make it a "Jake weekend" when I visit my parents, but some weeks are more stressful than others…and the relief I get is…really, really good.

"We'll see. I'll let you know."

I get two more calls, one from my mom and the other from my dad. They both wish Lily a great day at school.

By the time we get to the school, Lily has managed to loosen two of her braids. I pull her aside and redo them.

"Please don't mess up your hair, honey. You look so pretty when it's all nice and neat." I figure that since I'm starting a speech, I might as well do it all now.

"You're gonna do so great today, baby. I'm already so proud of you. I don't want you to worry about a thing, you're gonna make lots of friends and learn a whole bunch of new things. I'll be here to pick you up when class is over." I finish my speech without crying. Thank god. I kiss her cheeks and hug her before we make our way into the building to look for her class.

The hallways are crowded with parents and children. Many of the kids are kicking and screaming. It breaks my heart. Lily holds my hand tighter. She's trying to be so brave, but I spot her eyes getting watery. I want to stop and go right back home. The first day of school should not be this nerve wracking. It doesn't help that I'm lost.

I pull Lily along as I keep searching. The room numbers are going up, so I'm going the right way.

"It should be around the corner." I tell her.

I feel her pull on my arm and she stops walking.

"Mommy, I'm scared." Her eyes are huge and watery. "I don't wanna go to school." Her tiny voice shakes. Tears stream down her rosy cheeks and the lump in my throat grows ten times bigger. I wipe them away gently.

I move us toward the wall, close to where the hall turns. I kneel in front of her and take her hands in mine. She looks so tiny and fragile at this moment.

I speak to her softly. "Lily you shouldn't be afraid. The teachers are really nice here. They're gonna do lots of fun things with you and when it's all over; I'll be here to take you home." I kiss her hands. "If it makes you feel better, I'll wait outside of your class the whole time. Just to make sure you're okay. What do you say, sweetie?" she hesitates for a second and then she nods.

"You promise to stay the whole time?" she asks quietly. My eyes tear up and I fight so hard to keep them from falling. I hate seeing her so unsure. She's usually so outgoing and happy. She is nothing like that right now.

"I double promise." I touch her little nose with mine.

"Okay, mommy." She sniffles and stands up straighter.

I take her hand as I stand and turn to round the corner.

"Umph." I collide into someone. In the brief second that my face is to this person's chest, I smell it. Edward's cologne. Never in a million years did I ever think it was actually him. But it is.

He hasn't aged a bit in five years. Damn him for being beautiful. And damn me for still thinking that. My heart aches when I see those eyes. They used to be everything to me.

It feels so wrong, but I know now how much I've missed this man. And seeing him here is like the worst torture. I can't make my heart stop aching for him. I just can't.

_I'm sorry, Ally. For loving him. For everything._

"I'm so sorr—" he stops talking when he sees me. He can't believe it. _Neither can I._

My first instinct is to _protect_ my daughter after he recognizes me. I quickly look down at her and he follows my gaze. I don't have time to pull her behind me.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This isn't happening._

He takes a sharp breath. "Oh my god." He whispers in disbelief.

"Da-aad I'm gonna be late." I never even noticed the little boy next to him. He has Lily's hair color and pale skin. His eyes are green like their daddy.

He looks at the little boy and then back at Lily. She gets nervous at his intense stare and she buries her face in my skirt. When he looks up at me, I don't expect the emotions so clear in his face. His eyes are watery like his daughter's and I know he's devastated. I can't even imagine what is running through his head at this moment.

"Dad, come on!" the little boy tugs on him. He looks torn. He doesn't want to leave, but he has responsibilities. I literally can't move from where I'm standing. I'm holding Lily close to me and my right hand clutches the material of my blouse, close to where my heart wants to jump out of my chest.

He steps aside and starts to walk away, almost like a zombie. He doesn't take his eyes off of me and my little girl as he passes. My heart is POUNDING. I feel it in my ears and all the noise from the people around us is no longer the center. It's the pounding in my ears.

Holy shit, that's Edward. And he knows about Lily. _He knows._

Once he's a few feet behind me, I gather up the strength to walk again.

His voice stops me as I'm about to finally round the corner.

"Bella—" he says it softly but I hear it loud and clear. I turn to look at him and his eyes are pleading. "Please—" He looks down at Lily. "Give me a chance." He croaks.

He waits for my answer and he checks on his son who is still walking down the hall. I have just seconds to decide what I want to do. I don't know what makes me say the next words. Maybe it has a little to do with me and a lot to do with Lily.

"I'll be waiting outside of room 110 all day." I don't wait for him to say anything. I keep walking and finally make it to Lily's classroom.

.

.

There's a bench just outside of Lily's classroom. My heart is still pounding.

I called my office and took the next several days off. I need the time to just…get a grip on my life that's spinning out of control. Up until this morning, everything was going great, fantastic even. But running into Edward today…it just flipped everything upside down.

Nothing feels sure anymore.

I have millions of questions circling through my mind.

_What does this mean for me? For Lily? Will he try to take her from me? Will she want to live with him instead?_

I try not to cry, as thoughts of him taking my daughter bombard me. It may seem ridiculous, but one just never knows. She _is_ his daughter.

I hear laughter coming from the classroom and I smile. Lily didn't even hesitate to walk in the classroom. She ran straight to the art supplies and never looked back.

She'll be just fine, I thought to myself.

"Bella…" his voice carries through the empty hallway, making me jump in my seat. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He points toward the space beside me. "May I sit?" He's nervous. That makes two of us.

I find my voice, but it's shaky at best. "Sure." It's involuntary. The heat I feel when he's this close to me.

I also want to throw up…on his black converse. He's wearing jeans and a t-shirt, which really surprises me. He seems so laid back now. Not like the man who was always consumed by work—suit, briefcase and shiny shoes. He looks normal—like a dad. The look fits him.

He sighs next to me. From the corner of my eye, I see him tugging at his hair. He's thinking and gathering all his thoughts. I'm trying to read his face without staring too much.

I fidget a little, waiting for him to say something. Anything.

_He's so close to me. God, how I've wanted this for so long. Not so much today. Today, he's making nervous._

And then he speaks. And I wish he was mute…or just not here, in our lives. I'm so afraid of the unknown. I want to protect her. Myself too.

"What's her name?" He's staring at the floor, his jaw set. I don't know what to make of it. I don't want to answer, but then again, why did I leave an open invitation? He's here because he wants to know.

"Lily." I whisper. I swallow the lump in my throat, but it still burns and my eyes get watery. I'm overwhelmed with emotions. I want to cry and I want to laugh with joy, because this is my daughter we're talking about.

Then fear sets in.

_She's mine. She's mine. She's mine. _I chant in my head.

"Lily." He tries out her name. And then again. "Lily." Her name rolls off his tongue like silk. He sighs and closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. When he opens them, they're red and full of unshed tears. I have to look away.

"Does she have a middle name?" I give him a curious look. I find it a little odd. He hasn't yelled at me or demanded an explanation for anything. He's accepting what is. "I just…want to know _everything._" He chokes out, pleading, waiting for any bit of information.

I can barely speak. My throat is constricting. "Belle. Lily Belle." I smile at her name.

He looks up at me and there's a small smile tugging at his lips. "You named our daughter after yourself?" He's not upset, just musing. And I'm having a very, very hard time breathing when he says _our daughter. _It sounds so right, my heart leaps.

I shrug. "My name's not Belle."

"No." He shakes his head. "But it means beautiful. Like you." He holds my gaze with his eyes. There was a time when I used to believe those eyes. Everything they said to me, I believed. No questions asked.

"Where's your wife?" I bring him back to reality. I'm not the same person I used to be. If I was, I would have jumped him the minute he sat next to me. I don't actually know if he's still married. I may be fishing for information here. I think I'm allowed that.

He groans and rubs his face with both hands.

He looks over at me and hesitates for a minute. He doesn't want to tell me what I already know by reading that look. He's still hers. He didn't lose his family all those years ago.

Bittersweet.

"We have a newborn…she's home with him." He looks almost apologetic—like it's a bad thing he's still with his wife and having her pop out a million adorable kids.

It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me, though. Of course it does. It fucking hurts.

_It's the life I wanted. _A life I'll never have.

"Congratulations." I try to smile.

"Bella—" He sighs and shakes his head. "I've made so many mistakes in my life." He pauses to take a deep breath. "But I can't say you were one of them—not when you're the mother of my child. My _daughter._ God! I didn't even know!" He repeats, "I didn't even know—" I stay silent while he berates himself. I fight the urge to comfort him. That would be bad for me.

He roughly wipes away tears from his face.

I sniffle and try to clear my throat. "We both made mistakes. I'm sorry you didn't know about her."

I will never look at this hallway the same again. Hell, this school will forever remind me of this day. Of this conversation. Of Edward falling apart before my eyes.

"I'm sorry I pushed you away." His eyes are sincere. "I would have helped you. I never would have turned my back on you. Never. Had I known, Bella—" He covers his mouth as a sob escapes.

I appreciate his words, but they don't do me any good anymore. I've been on my own with my daughter for close to six years. I've tried accepting his absence. It's so hard.

"What do we do now?" I ask him. It's a loaded question. I don't know if I can find the courage to share Lily. I know that's what he'll want.

"Will you let me meet her?"

I can't say no to those eyes.

.

.

"You found my daddy?" Lily asks excitedly.

All I have ever said to her about Edward is that he had to go away, but that he loved her so very much—more than there are stars in the sky.

"Yes, and he wants to see you, baby." For now, she doesn't need to know the messy details. She just needs to know that her daddy wants to see her.

Her little face beams at my words. "When? When can I see him mommy?"

There is one thing that I can never be to her and that is a dad. I've tried, since the day she was born, to give her everything, but that one thing was unattainable. Until now.

"Tomorrow," I tell her. I've waited three weeks to finally set a date with Edward. I'm still nervous even as I tell her. "We're going to the park, the one with the duck pond. How does that sound?"

She nods her head excitedly.

I text Edward again, confirming for tomorrow.

He says he's nervous and excited.

**Don't be nervous. She already loves you.**

**-B**

**I'm gonna make things right. I promise.**

**I can't wait to meet her.**

**-EC**

_Make things right..._

_I went to lunch with Edward about three weeks ago._

_I was hesitant to go but he insisted that we needed to talk some more. Obviously pouring our hearts out in the hall of our daughter's school wasn't the appropriate location. There was so much to say still._

_I conceded._

_We had been sitting here for close to an hour. Talking. I answered questions about Lily, about our life. He wanted to know if we were doing well. I assured him that we were and that he didn't need to worry about that. He also explained which seemed like an excuse to me, how his attorneys were the ones that advised him to stay far away from me as possible while his divorce was going on. Then turns out, his wife wanted to work things out and they dropped everything. By that point I had already given birth to our daughter. I never gave his office a second look, let alone step foot in it. He went on with his life, and I went on with mine._

"_I want to be a part of her life." He finally said. "If you'll let me." I was somewhat prepared for this. I knew coming here, that something like this would come up. So I answered back with what I had rehearsed._

"_You can be a part of Lily's life if you can accept her openly. She won't be anyone's shameful secret. I want her to feel that her dad loves her and that he's not afraid to be seen with her. That's my condition."_

"_Done." He didn't even hesitate. "I plan on telling Ally. She knows about…you and she forgave me for what I did to her. I have nothing to hide. Lily's my daughter. I want my sons to meet her too, eventually. She's gonna have four boys protecting her…and her dad." He grinned proudly. "I want this, Bella." Sincerer words have never been spoken._

_I cried happy tears._

"_I'm gonna make this right, Bella. I promise."_

_More tears of joy._

He's told me this many times over the last three weeks. It's his decision in the end. There's a little girl's heart at stake here, and he knows it.

The next day we wake up extremely early. Lily is way too excited to start this day. I have to convince her that she needs breakfast and a shower before we can actually leave. She does both in record time. I thought I would get more arguments out of her.

"Where is he mommy?" Lily tugs on my arm and tries to make me walk faster across the parking lot toward the pond.

"He's by the pond, Lily. He said he got us a really good spot." We walk hand in hand and I steer us toward the direction that Edward gave me.

It's such a beautiful day. It's warm out and the sun is shining, but not burning. The park is filled with smell of barbeques and the warmth and laughter of families.

I finally spot Edward at a picnic table, under a huge, shady tree. He's grilling and he looks so happy. Our eyes meet and his smile turns impossibly brighter. He waves and for a second he doesn't know if he should come to us.

I kneel down in front of Lily and turn her body toward the water, where Edward is.

"Your daddy is right over there." I whisper to her. I'm holding back the tears that I know will come. Her little eyes search everywhere…and when she reaches him…I know she's found him. "Go." I encourage.

She doesn't hesitate. She takes off in a sprint. Edward strides toward her; he opens his arms just in time for my little girl to jump right into them. He picks her up and swings her around. Both of their smiles are brighter than the sun. Her laughter is music to my ears.

They study each other's faces.

The same.

Their hair.

The same.

Lily's arms are tied around his neck so tight. I know what it feels like to never want to let go.

I'm an ugly-sobbing mess. And I don't care because my daughter has her daddy.

It doesn't matter what my history with Edward is. Or that he has another family, a wife. What matters is that our little girl knows and feels that we both love her—that her family is unique, but just as special as she is.

Our daughter will never pay for the mistakes we made.

Edward and I both will make sure of it.

**~X~ **The End **~X~**


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